dirtbugdied

I have a small one, one i had gotten with my kit. Its tiny, and i mean really really small. It wouldn't be hard to take apart and i truly doubt I actually need two.

I would just feel almost bad, not really that much but enough for it to sit in my head. I don't know if I'd lose that privilege if i did, i wouldn't doubt and i would totally understand but it would suck if i did. I'd be responsible of getting my own then.

God its right there, you know. Nothing else is stopping me its all so close together im in the perfect mind and feeling.

No one would know really, not that that changes anything really but there's no one to do anything, no one to stop me, to say anything. Not that anyone would, not that they have.

Fuck.

You know, i thought it would be different now! I thought that on the account of me bringing it up things would go the way they should!

Now why the fuck did i think that!? UGH! No! Its all the same still! Why would anything be any different?? Thats a stupid want!

I hate it! I hate it! I wanted it to be different! I wanted it to go back like it was!
Ik fucked! Why can't you just leave me completely then?

I hate seeing you as an option to message.
I wish you would unfriend me. I wish you would block me on everything and leave.
We all know i cant do it but i wish you would.

Get out of my head!! Shut up!! Go away!! I don't Miss you!! I don't!! That not the way this part is supposed to go!! Im supposed to be fine!! I don't Miss you!! Nothing about you!!

Tell me i don't miss you!! Tell me not to cry about it!! Theres nothing to cry about!! so suck it up!!

Wow, i Worte this whole lengthy message for you yet i have no way of actually getting it to you in the way that i wanted. I wish you were one to check my dw but i no your not.
Whatever, who cares I'll post it here anyway. It doesn't matter.

I miss you and it sucks. I know you see this, i know you get the notification for it and i hope you actually take the time to come and read it.
It's stupid, doing it this way like some pussy who can't face conflict. That's what I am though. It's better than sending you a text and risking never getting a reply, at least this way i don't even know if you see it.
I miss you, though. I miss everything and i hate it. I tried to not let it affect me, that i was gonna be fine on my own and it would all be okay and for the first half it was. Then it wasn't.
I hated watching it go down hill because i cared and loved you a lot but then you stopped making an effort so i followed suit because I wasn't gonna be another mutt left waiting and pawing at the door and yet i still was.
Do you think about it, like at all? Do you miss me, like at all?
Maybe you never really cared for me at all and i don't know if i prefer that over you simply losing interest.
You know, im thinking about abandoning it all now, everyone we mutually new. Leaving the server blocking and unfriending the people we shared. Deleting every stupid screenshot i have.
I dont know if i will, i truly doubted it. It would be easier dying without anyone knowing.
Some part hopes you see this another part hopes you don't.
I put too much of my love and care on you now you get to decide what to do with it.
Please.

Im getting so lonely I'm starting to look for any kind of attention again!!! Except its not working!! Its not working!!! Nothings working!!! Nothings working!! N

I'm scared, I'm like really scared about it!!! I try all the time not to think about it or let in in my brain but sometimes it just makes it in and SCARES ME!!!
"what if" should die in a fire!!! I don't like it!!! i don't like the question!!!!! shut up!!!! PLZ??

I hate being so scared, I hate thinking about it, I hate worrying, I hate looking back!!!!
I don't know how to fix this thing in my head and I hate it!!!!1

I hope you see this, I hope you're reading this and as you are i hope it hurts. I hope that my name will forever leave a taste in your mouth, i hope that everytime you see me it pains you, i hope everytime you see me Happy it pains you, i hope everytime you see me with him you regret everything you ever did, and most of all i wish i didnt hope for any of that.

I'm angry still. I'm angry at you. I hate you for what you did, for what you chose to become, for what you chose to do, and very much for how you chose to act now. You hardly have the right to be as sad and depressed as you claimed. It was your own fault. I hate saying that. I hate saying I hate you. I hate the fact I don't really care. You could have been so much more, Do you know that? You could have been so much, we could have been so much. I always thought we were genuinely gonna make it out together. I FULLY believed that we had a future together and it was all I saw. I don’t see much anymore and I feel so sorry for that Mut that had dreams beyond your own.

You Are A Bad Person. You hang out with some objectively bad people. You lied, you cheated, and you played hard.
I pity you.
I wish things were different, I wish You were different, I wish I never met you.

I do not miss you, I miss the idea of you and the person i thought you were.
I hope you miss me, I hope you look back at everything and cry about it like the boy that you are cause you are no man.




Ugh, I hate it.

How am i supposed to get comfort for sh if i cant even bring it up to someone i srsly trust??
I don't vent to people much anymore, I've told about this in an older post, it always feels weird now. I always feel like im being attention seeky or something, I never truly feel comforted, and i always feel bad for putting my problems on someone.

I miss 2020 and stuff. I miss being able to text someone: "i did it again." And have that comfort. I miss texting someone something as simple as "i love you" randomly and them worrying im gonna do something. I hate it so much, it was so bad, but i miss that feeling.

I really want to cut myself and next to it i really want someone to comfort me after. I hate this.

i dont know what to do im so emotional right now I cant do anything I don't want to do anything I feel so alone

I don't know who i am I'm sick and its fucking with usi feel alone I wish that on guy would talk to us I wish I didn't feel left out all the time or that we weren't so one sided

I keep feeling like I'm gonna cry but then never actually get to that point I don't know what to do

JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKINGE SHARPENER PLEASE JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING PLZ JUST LET ME LET ME LET ME I CANT ANYMORE PLZ

its getting overwhelming, i just need to so bad i dont know i feel fuckin stupid i cant think i cant do anyting i dont know what to do i know its not all me i need something tho anything we have old sharpeners they dont work very well but i dont care anymore i dont care how hard i have to go, how deep, how much it hurts i dont care i just need it need somthing to cut me i was anything to cut me idfk at this point ill just play rough with my cat hope i get somthing out of that but i need somthing i need somthing i need somting i nede