what will happen

[dirtbugdied]

People keep talking to me about my future and what I'll do after high school. They keep talking about what I'm supposed to do, what's expected of me but I don't know. I don't think I'll make it out of highschool and it genuinely scares the shit out of me. what's worse is that my fear is my own fault. I'm failing more than half my classes and my failure doesn't come from anyone else but me and I don't know what to do. I just can't do it for some reason and I don't know why. I can't apply myself to any of my work and I don't know why. I don't know how to try.

what if this really is just it for me? what if I'm not ever able to be anything. highschool ends and I'm left with nothing but myself. I know all my friends will go on without me because they actually have the mind to do something. I'd like to say I don't care about school and some of that has some truth but it only stemmed out from middle school when I believed nother matter anyway because i was gonna kill myself. I do care about school a little bit but I only care because other people care and put this expectation on me. some part of me still think I'll kill myself anyway to which I probably won't.

what will happen to me? what am I gonna do with myself? I'll never amount to anything will I?