Yaaaayyy..!!

Am i going to suffer? Absolutely!
I mean im excited, of course i am! Buuuut im also scaredd!

I don't do good in situations like this, especially while I've already been feeling out of place next to anyone. I probably would have been more okay if ian was going but sometimes they don't have a back bone— these people that im hanging out with although they're my friends they feel a little more like strangers sometimes (yes including my bf but that is a different rant for a different day) so in my head im gonna feel the most out of place I've ever felt in a while. Especially with my emotions being high right now i know im not gonna be the only one whos gonna front so thats gonna be fun! Something tells me i may be seeing Harvey today!

Yes, im excited, i get to do a fun thing with a group of my friends.

But fuck, im already lost and overwhelmed with everything that i want to cry. Im going into this COMPLETELY blind not to mention im more like being shoved into this. (not thats a bad thing i probably wouldn't have done anything with it if i hadn't)

I just hate this kinda of stuff, being taught something completely new, hanging around people i feel like i hardly know. I think i just hate being pushed outside my comfort zone.

Aughhhh but it has to happen eventually right?
Jeez.

What even is anything??

Why do i feel so isolated sometimes? I don't understand it, i don't understand me.i don't know whats wrong with me.

Its so simple, its always something so simple yet it always makes me feel like im the furthest from people. I don't know where it comes from, i hate it. I hate feeling like this always unprompted. Its pathetic in a way, weak.

I hate the attention that i crave constantly. It hurts when I don't get it and then i hate myself for being upset over something so stupid. I really am a weak person. I don't know how to deal with this, what to do.

Im alone and i miss the people I used to talk to all the time. I miss texting someone for hours talking about random shit, switching between subjects.

I miss the relationship i used to have with him but its fucked now and i cant find anyone else to replace it.

Fuck im alone.

I can't make friends.

Im alone.