Cover you ears but hear me still

I don't want anyone to care about me. I don't want anyone to worry about what I could do to myself or if I'm eating or if I'm doing something I know I shouldn't. I don't want anyone to care but I crave it so much. I crave the feeling of being cared for, of someone worrying that I could fucking cut myself. I need that feeling, I don't get that feeling, I guess it's good cus I don't want it.

I feel alone. I feel empty, I feel I have nothing. everyone I care about so much doesn't care about me in the same way. of course I'll give them everything. I'll make sure I hear them, I'll love them, I'll care for them in every way they want me to, but when it's my turn I only get their back.

I want to be important to people. I want to be important to You.
I want You to care about me.

I don't want anyone to care. I want someone who will make me worse.
tell me to cut myself. please. tell me to cut myself and then call me a good boy.

I'm so guilty about it all.

I know it means nothing for me to say I'm sorry and I know I have no reason to say sorry but I am so sorry for everything. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry you have to put up with me and how I act. I'm sorry that you worry about me and that I make you worry. I'm a bitch, an ass, I have nothing to give you. please, I'm so sorry.

I want to apologize, really apologize, to send you this messages and weep. I want to tell you I'm sorry 100 times over. I want you to know all the guilt I feel for being someone in your life and I don't want your pity nor sympathy for it.

I don't want your pity or sympathy for anything. I don't want you to care. I hate that you care about me. I hate that you will worry. can't you just hate me? cant you just see how bad I am? I'm horrible. everything I do, everything I am, and I believe in is bad. I'm bad. why do you care? why do you care? why worry?

please, please, get rid of me. I need you to get rid of me. I love you. like a sick dog I love you and I depend on you. like a sick dog I need to be put down. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I am. I'm so sorry you see me as someone. I'm so sorry I came into your life. I'm so sorry I cant leave. please leave. leave me. leave me. I'm begging you. don't care. please.

please forgive me.

O' Great Lord Hermes

"Hermes, son of Zeus and Maia, I call upon your presence.
You are the swift-footed messenger, the guide of souls, the god of commerce and communication.
I ask for your blessings in my life, for your guidance, your protection, and your wisdom.
May I walk in your light."



He got strawberries and honey :]