Will you cut my wrist for me?

[dirtbugdied]

It's sickening the way I feel for you, the way I think of you. It makes me sick to my stomach, you make me sick to my stomach and It's all I crave. It's dumb, useless, pathetic, horrid. I feel like an idiot because I know better, I should know better yet I let myself feed into the idea. You make me so stupid, in every way.

It's not your fault though, it's never your fault, only my own. I wish you could just push me away. just find something to hate about me, tell me to leave, just tie me to that tree and abandon me like some sick puppy. that's what I am, you know it just as much as I do. you still hold me, you still say sweet words. maybe you're doing it on purpose, maybe you aren't. if you are that horrible, that's wrong, that's sick. and I love you for it. if you aren't then your just as dumb as me.

can you say my name? can you tell it to me again in that voice of yours?

can you hold my hand? my face? my body? feel me tremble and shake under your touch. feel my skin grow hot under your fingertips.

can you touch me even when I say no? even when I cry, and beg, and scream?

can you love me? will you love me?
you could even just use me. use me for whatever you like.
I'd be okay with that.

Can't you?