Why, oh why! (Two birds, one stone!)

[dirtbugdied]

It scars me!! Half to death it absolutely horrifies me!! What do i do!!! I hate thinking like this, having this kind of idea in my head. My thinking will be the single component to the downfall of myself. What do i do? What do i do?? This fear i have eats me from the inside out. They tell you you shouldn't even think about it as it will only manifested into reality but i just cant help myself and i don't know why. I think about it and then i sit there and weep. What would i do with myself? What would happen to me? Im scard. Im terrified. So much could happen and i cant help but feed into my own mind. Its not fair, why does there have to be a "what if"? Why do i have to be cursed with thinking like that?




Of course it makes me uncomfortable, how could it not? It weird to me. After everything and it all, i don't understand it. We fear what we dont understand and thats another one of them. I know it was a while ago but i don't care, i dont care if you think i should be over it because im not. Truly tell me how you except me to be? It was a lot then. I was scared more often then not and i didn't feel like i was even a person anymore. Im not too surprised i didn't kill myself but i am just a little.
So yeah, it makes me uncomfortable it retrospect but i haven't possess the right to say a thing about it. I dont want anything to come from what i say or tell, besides, it doesn't bug me in all the same way. Who am i to demand or not?