Reb!! REB!!
Oct. 10th, 2025 08:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dirtbugdiedMy name! or his name I guess, I did steal it after all.
I don't know I haven't really changed much I think, not as much as people think I have. I'm still pretty much the same. that growing and maturing stuff? yeah, doesn't really work for me I fear. maybe I have gotten a little less for the people but I'm hardly some other guy. I'm still that one.
I remember I used to pride myself in how bad I was, my need to get worse, my need to just be someone you look down on. I still have that mindset, same one in the same way I just don't act on much of it anymore. fear. It pisses me off to, you can't want to be some evil loser on the internet but fear losing people close to you, that's the point of being a loser. I'm not a loser, I mean I am but I'm not THAT sad loser. I do the sad loser things, I don't live the sad loser life.
oh I do miss it. 8th grade. as much as I hardly remember it and as much as I almost killed myself a few times I miss who I was, how I was, what people saw me as. cutting myself just cuz. I still do that or try to. I haven't cut myself in a while because I don't have anything to actually fucking cut myself with. I would burn myself but one only knows how much I do hate pain. anyway, who I was.
oh being bullied, not by those kids, the normal ones, but by THOSE kids. oh what a time, the resone I became what I was. I wish I could go back, experienced it again, change some things. not to make anything better, of course, just to make things worse. to know what it felt like when I found those people, my people. feeling accepted.
I miss talking to those weirdos, that one discord server I was in before it got my acc deleted, the edits, the love, the relating. I'm still so him coded, I'm very much her coded.
I could go back, I could regress, oh but what horrors it would bring down on me.
Happy Very late birthday Andrew & Dylan, I didn't forget I was just sorta busy those days.
I don't know I haven't really changed much I think, not as much as people think I have. I'm still pretty much the same. that growing and maturing stuff? yeah, doesn't really work for me I fear. maybe I have gotten a little less for the people but I'm hardly some other guy. I'm still that one.
I remember I used to pride myself in how bad I was, my need to get worse, my need to just be someone you look down on. I still have that mindset, same one in the same way I just don't act on much of it anymore. fear. It pisses me off to, you can't want to be some evil loser on the internet but fear losing people close to you, that's the point of being a loser. I'm not a loser, I mean I am but I'm not THAT sad loser. I do the sad loser things, I don't live the sad loser life.
oh I do miss it. 8th grade. as much as I hardly remember it and as much as I almost killed myself a few times I miss who I was, how I was, what people saw me as. cutting myself just cuz. I still do that or try to. I haven't cut myself in a while because I don't have anything to actually fucking cut myself with. I would burn myself but one only knows how much I do hate pain. anyway, who I was.
oh being bullied, not by those kids, the normal ones, but by THOSE kids. oh what a time, the resone I became what I was. I wish I could go back, experienced it again, change some things. not to make anything better, of course, just to make things worse. to know what it felt like when I found those people, my people. feeling accepted.
I miss talking to those weirdos, that one discord server I was in before it got my acc deleted, the edits, the love, the relating. I'm still so him coded, I'm very much her coded.
I could go back, I could regress, oh but what horrors it would bring down on me.
Happy Very late birthday Andrew & Dylan, I didn't forget I was just sorta busy those days.
