What a weirdo, a freak

[dirtbugdied]

I have this weird crave or fantasy of some kind. im not sure what to call it but its a very prominent thing for me.

I want to be abused. Emotional, physically, sexually. I want to be in a relationship where I've been simply stripped of my dignity, of my humanity. To be treated like a pet, a little play thing, something to break down and then build back up in a way that would be more suitable for you.

I think about this a lot and fantasize about it quite often. I don't know what it is, where it came from, or why its here, but it is.

I wanted to be treated like im less than human, like im nothing but an object, and then be praised for how obedient i am for it. For someone to tell me that im nothing and im worthless and that i would never actually matter to anyone else but them. And I'd believe it. Every single word of it. I want to become so dependent on them that i would truly believe that i am just simply happy there. That every bruise i have was only simply a marking of love.

Its gross, disgusting.
But i could really sit and think about it all day, get flushed like some teenage girl thinking about a crush.

"How romantic!~" No?

Comments

[journeyofdaor]

It's much more common than you think. I always thought I was broken because images of subs getting caned until deeply bruised made me jealous of them. Or when I would get jealous of the victim in some of the much more taboo stuff I read. It's a desire to be useful to someone else in the way they want. The ultimate submission, to be nothing more than something that exists to pleasure their whims, whatever those may turn out to be. To be completely honest, I want my Owner to treat me like that, but She just isn't there yet. Plus, I'm the breadwinner so real life means I have to relegate those desires to fantasy.

-Daor

[journeyofdaor]

By the way, this came up as a random journal in case you were wondering.